Sunday Poem By Jhilam Adhikary

Sunday Poem By Jhilam Adhikary

It Happened

One day after women's day It happened Returning from university Like every other student And this time it was a stranger Should have happened years ago And could have though When I was stronger, younger, unaware Like it usually happened back then But it didn’t For a change Happened again after so many years Happened when I was so surely sure It can’t happen again I’m older now, and it’s a new chapter Happened again when I Had finally regained the confidence again To dare think that I too matter Somehow for someone, at least there At least as long as I’m there If not beyond But then it happened And I was shattered Not just because of the fear That I may never reach home again Or that I may never be there again The mind isn’t that easy But rather this constant threat every minute What if I was wrong all along What if for these past years too I was equally unloved A one-sided lover If something were to happen to me Who will really care? What if I were to open my eyes tomorrow And ask for the hand of my place For any little support I was supposed to get And my place closes it’s gates on my face What if I just thought I belonged there All along, just a thought, an illusion What will I do if my place ever says, “After all those signs you so often get How dare you think you were needed?” That was the only thought in my head When I was still As frozen as I usually am When adults around me are existing I thought about my place And I questioned her love When there was an unwanted hand On my breasts And I looked away as far as possible Perhaps to another realm Where minds don’t exist I wouldn’t have known what had happened Had he not asked me himself “Are you liking it.” And I almost thought That statement (not a question) Wasn’t for me And it was just a tiny adult babbling Until I felt his other hand harder As he asked me to sit closer And I noticed for the first time From the glimpses I caught From the rear view mirror How different each auto driver looks A face I saw That would never get lost in the crowd A tiny face with sunken cheeks Thin avoiding thieving eyes And moustache above his lips Big ears and no beard See how much I trusted my fate That I couldn’t feel it happen For the longest time As I wondered How can someone miss a stop twice Maybe he was sick Maybe he had weak eyesight I didn’t know I had never travelled alone before But I was wrong And every time in that long run When I felt that wretched hand That sharp elbow It was deliberate And I felt that fear too late There should have been a shout But I never learnt how to speak or breathe When there are adults around Once I was out I walked I never looked back A weird lesson that I wasn’t ready for Never travel alone on any road for any cause On any bright afternoon Always bring an extra person with me Or bring an entire mob To scream for me To scream loudly and shout on my behalf To punch and kick and jump on my behalf Because I can’t I’ll be frozen with anxiety, Frozen with fear When once again the time comes When once again I’m groped by a stranger.