Can never write, not even to my diary, about heartbreaks when I first experience them.
Every other kinda grief is writeable ; anger, betrayal, anxiety…but never the sadness.
I remember the first time I heard you are leaving, it sounded like a thought, so distant that it has to be impossible. My naïve mind went back to all the close ones I have lost before and told me I will live, it will be okay, that life goes on, that a blank space is often decorated with other beautiful things by life, and so it was dismissed.
The next time this came up, you told me you have finally found a house in that new city and you leave in a week and half. The impossibility of the news numbed all my senses for the first time in life. And at night the numbness would get lifted all at once and every emotion would crash down at once like an unannounced monsoon storm.
In the last few days, No matter for how long we held each other, no matter how close, it never was enough, it could never be enough.
You can’t suffice the love of a lifetime within numbered days.
The first morning with you gone, it felt like waking up into a new life. Your absence occupied way more space than your presence ever did. I could almost hear your silly laughs in every chaos and silence alike.
I learnt that the advancement of technology can never truly bridge gap between parted hearts.
Years passed and life began flowing in it’s natural rhythm, I think of you less now and I don’t spend my nights sleepless anymore. But even now, every once in a while, it takes only a song or a memory,
and over again,
It’s the first day we said Hello,
It’s the last time we said Good-bye…