Saturday English Section By Jhilam Adhikary

Trapped in a Blank World

I woke up in a daze, in a pure white room of a black and white world. No doors, no windows, no tables no chairs. Just an endless white room. There was nothing here. No one but me. I couldn’t feel my body. As if I was a ghost or a spirit. My memories are hazy, maybe I was dead and this was heaven. With a few feelings left in me still, I asked myself, “Is this the world I desired once? Peaceful and empty?”. I kept walking and blaming myself, “ Why did I wish for something so blank? No one around… this is scary.” I felt desperate. Even though there was no one to judge me, my hands had started to sweat and anxiety made me uneasy. But just as I was about to cry, I noticed a small black spot in one corner of the room. I looked more closely and it surprised me. What I had picked up on my hand was a small black tree. It looked dry and almost dead.
Unconsciously, I held it close to my heart and then, I felt a heavy weight on my hand. The tree was growing. The thin black bark became thick and brown and the leaves turned deep green. It was the first speck of colour I saw after opening my eyes. It kept growing and growing and I had to drop it quickly. The more I touched it, the greener it grew, as if all it lacked in life was some love and human touch. It grew bigger than me and I could see buds of fruits peeping from behind the leaves. I was excited. I started searching for windows or doors or any other opening. If I could open a window or something, maybe some birds or squirrels would come to the tree. I was afraid of being alone. Unfortunately, I found nothing. Then I got an idea. I went ahead and hugged that tree as tightly as I could. I wanted it to grow big enough to break the ceiling of the room and that’s exactly what happened. I stood under the tree and watched the ceiling crumble down, even the wall next to me broke into pieces.
At first, I was happy to finally breathe fresh air but soon I realised that the whole area surrounding me was completely empty and colourless. I was terrified. In that moment I thought my heart would stop. Just then some black crows and white doves flew in and perched on the tree. That gave me a strange relief. I calmed my heart a little and sat down to wait. Nothing much happened. The day changed into night and the night changed into day and I just sat there waiting for days. I could see the sun and the moon in the sky. Maybe I really was a ghost for I felt no hunger, no thirst. My eyes were sleepless and yet I forced myself to sleep. And one day, I woke up to find a big black Macaw perched on that tree. It almost looked like a Raven. I went a little closer to have a better look, but it fluttered its wings and said, “No! Don’t come any closer.”
Me: “Why? And you can talk? Is that how heaven works?”
Macaw: “Heaven? What heaven? Do you think I am dead? I might have lost my colours with this world but I don’t think I’m going to die anytime soon.”
Me: “Umm, would you like to be my friend? I’m alone… and I promise I am harmless.”
Macaw: “You may be harmless but I am not. You see, I had a friend once and I killed her.”
Me: “You killed her? How?”
Macaw: “She was a painter. She came to this tree every day to paint me. I used to pose for her and we had a lovely time together.”
Me: “And?”
Macaw: “Well, she was always a little gloomy and that day she shouted at me. I must have done something to offend her. But instead of apologizing, I few away and when I came back, she was not there and this tree was gone.”
Me: “You said you killed her”
Macaw: “I did. She went up a hill and jumped from there.”
Me: “Were you there that time? That could have been an accident.”
Macaw: “No, it was my fault, I left her alone.”
Me: “Awwww, it’s ok, don’t say that.”
I climbed up the tree, sat next to her and patted her. Lo and behold, her colours came back. Her feathers were all red and blue and yellow, all bright colours and that made me extremely happy.
Macaw: “Your hands feel like hers. You might be her reincarnation. I’m glad I came to this tree today.”
Me: “Wait… you mentioned a mountain… I see nothing.”
Macaw: “There is one nearby. But I won’t take you there, it’s her grave”.
Me: “Then we must visit it!”
Macaw: “I can’t! She hates me!”
Me: “I don’t think you can ever hate a friend. Trust me. Take me there.”
The Macaw flew ahead of me and I followed. When we reached the hill, it quietly sat on my shoulder. I petted her and put her down. “Tell her, you love her.” It went near the edge of the cliff and shouted “I am here for you! I miss you and I love you! And I love you so much!” As soon as it uttered those words, colours came back to the hill. The Macaw took a flight and the sky was suddenly blue and the valley was green and I could see all sorts of plants everywhere. Rocks and rivers and lush green grass. Everything was gorgeous and colourful.
“I get it now. This place is not heaven. This is just a loveless world. Just a little love and a little worth can bring this place back to life.” I said to myself as I danced around on the hill. I picked up some pink flowers growing nearby and scattered them down the hill as a grave offering. The Macaw came down along with many other little chirping birds and for the first time, I asked her it’s name. “I don’t have any.” It said. So I named it Lazarus, after the saint who was brought back from death. Then me, Lazarus and all his little friends went back to our tree. To our surprise, it was blooming with beautiful flowers and ripe fruits. That sight got my hunger back and we all greedily devoured a lot of them. Squirrels and rabbits joined us from nowhere. And I could hear crickets and cicadas in the background.
While I was enjoying the moment, my eyes fell on the other side of the room that still remained colourless and I felt that there was still one part of this world that remained loveless and white. So I decided to explore that new world a little more with Lazarus and spread as much love as possible. I went and hugged the tree again, making it bigger and bigger, almost as big as the tower of Babel, so that it could remain visible to us as much possible and no matter how far we go, we can come back to it. I had no memories of my old world left anymore, but if I get a chance someday, maybe I will try going back and share a little bit of love and warmth with them as well.