Sunday Poem By Jhilam Adhikary

Singing Anxiety

Anxiety, cruel, sings in my head like a knell,
The room was cold when the alarm rang,
My thoughts half asleep, eyes tired, fully awoken,
My heart shrunk and my fingers tapped the screen
Mentally preparing to see the red countdown thing,
Designed to decide my fate.
Exams are no joke,
The more I try to stay steady and calm,
My anxiety, stupid, made me shiver and choke,
The toughness of the paper had no role to play here.
Curse was just this anxiety,
This worry and doubtless distrust,
That sometimes comes true,
And takes me down with it, forever.
Not even a sip of tea down my throat,
And that clock that ticked to determine my fate,
Silent silence silently red.
All alone in the room, I faced my dearest devil,
The most important bastard,
That pulls apart everything with its presence,
My heart balanced the ambivalence,
But failed miserably, and questioned,
Questioned ever option listed,
I answered everything on paper
Yet nothing hinted correct.
Looking at my fingers,
And the crack on the screen,
That grew wider and wider on my face,
And the fog of my breath,
I watched the day fade,
Preparing unprepared for the next,
As if it never happened,
No mistakes ever made,
No mistakes ever corrected,
Or concealed forever with a click,
And every exam I ever gave
Was a dream.