Sunday Poem By Jhilam Adhikary

Cheers to Jealousy

Cheers to jealousy,
That pokes and tells me
I’m inferior in every way:
Degrading as much as I upgrade
Lying to myself, aggressively
Hiding am I from whom? My insecurities.
Lost am I from whom? My duties.
That somewhere still exist,
That I cannot fulfil till I’m beautiful enough
Beating beauty is a revenge, and I must not give up,
Strolling, walking briskly, suddenly wondering
In the fog-less night, questioning abruptly,
Does the one I love think of me when he looks at the sky?
Asking myself why he doesn’t talk
As much as I demand in my own fairy tales,
Every day, every night, in my mind.
Just a lover to touch and see and talk to
Like my own spring: To make me beautiful
To give every success meaning.
I wonder why he talks so less
Or if he doesn’t wanna talk at all,
And is just compromising… A very common thought
I want to talk, I want to see and feel,
Every inch of that softness that isn’t here right now
I love him, and I’m angry
And to jealously, I’m jealous,
Of every beauty and success that isn’t mine
But yet is a part of his life, and mine too
Again and again, in love and jealous…
Cheers again, to holy jealousy!
That reminds me: Yes, I’m in love.